As with every summer holiday, my stepson from America has now arrived for the summer. This means we have a 11.5 year old, a 3.5 year old and a 7 week old baby all together…surviving on no sleep & literally no patience. Perfect!

So, whilst attempting to work ad-hoc throughout the summer, I have also started attending Breast Feeding Group. I am hoping this will help me continue my journey of breast feeding and enable me to start to enjoy it a bit more. Well, I will report back on that soon.

Being a step mum always scared me and I sometimes feel like my summer, every single year, is a bit hijacked. But, families come in all shapes and sizes and with children, step children and siblings in each household being so varied, its a bit of a ‘pick and mix’ but one that needs to be done to keep everything ticking along. How do I feel this year? Worried. Worried as I am currently on the edge, nervous, tired, and feeling a bit let down, and defeated by everything happening at the moment – the perfect time to add another child in the mix I hear you say.

I guess I will be fine, I muddle through every year, but this year, I am much calmer – almost knowing that I am slowly dropping down into a spiral of feeling worthless and defeated. A spiral that I all too remember clearly when having Jasper, although this time, I feel worse. I feel sad, actually sad.

Anyway, do you have step children? Do you have children arrive for summer/winter? How do you cope/adapt?

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With the impending arrival of my step son from the USA, you could say I am struggling just a little bit to come to terms with everything. With various issues happening with my work (not that I can mention at the moment) and the lack of funds coming in, plus the arrival of another person in the house…and a 6 week old baby, you could say that the need to be called ‘manic mummy’ has never been more true than this point right now.

Do you ever get the feeling that when you put the washing away in the cupboard, you could just hide in the cupboard too? Shut the door and just sit and cry for an hour to just feel that release? Whilst I love my family and wouldn’t change it for anything in the world. it is also hard, very hard. Hard to keep going and hard to always be the strong one. Hard to explain to someone else that your smile is stuck on and actually underneath you are held together with sticky tape and a bit of love.

I’m glad the summer is here and I can try and get outside a bit more, but also scared that I have taken so much on I just am willing it all to fail so I can just crumble and give up. I guess the sun makes everything a bit better, I wish it would help me more and just melt everything I am worried about away.

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