When I had my lovely little bundle of love (Jazzy) I already was aware I might suffer from depression. In fact most of my teenage years involved hospitals, psychologists and psychotherapists, but i wasn’t prepared for the fear that I experienced when having Jasper. The fear that someone was going to snatch him. I was convinced someone would steal him and that even came down to believing my lovely hubby would do this too. Leaving him alone at any point was not an option, and people trying to touch him made this worse. It’s been 2 years, 11 months and whilst I am about 80% better, my fear of him being snatched has never gone away.
I still get anxious leaving him, and hate a change in routine. Knowing what’s happening every day calms me and who he is with. Changing a routine, moving days and anyone coming into contact with him that I didn’t know about sends me into a fury of rage vs protection. I hate strangers talking to him & would spend every day, every weekend locked in a house if I could (yes I know I can’t). But on the outside would you know this? Probably not. Learning to cope has to be an option and I guess will always be apart of my life.